At the age of 1, he robbed the children's toys because he thought what he saw was his own; at the age of 2, he refused to let others play with his car because he didn't know how to share; at the age of 3, he often talked about "no" because he wanted to make his own "decision". We understand the law of children's development, so we give them a relatively free and loose environment, waiting for flowers to bloom, waiting for him to grow up slowly. But at the age of 4, although there are still some things that are reasonable, at the same time of understanding, we should start to set more strict rules to let him know what is right, what is wrong, what can be done and what can not be done.

We generally think that Americans are more relaxed about their children, but in a recent exclusive survey conducted by Parents magazine, 80% of the respondents think that parents are too indulgent to their children now, and 40% of them hope that they can manage them more "tightly".
If the child is young, we tell him some rules to better protect him, such as sitting in the bathtub, not standing up, not running when eating Then when he is older, these will become rules that need not be stated and must be adhered to.
When a child hits someone at the age of 1, we can explain that he doesn't know how to express his feelings. When he is 4, another act of hitting someone will become an impermissible mistake. More strict rules of conduct will gradually increase with the growth of the child's age.
We have more and more understanding and respect for children, and more and more tolerant and open-minded attitude towards them. We no longer decide everything for our children, but provide them with the opportunity to make their own choices. When they are naughty, we restrain our own impulses and try to explain the reasons behind their behaviors. Once they fail to achieve the goals we set, we will first reflect on whether we set the standard high.
However, looking at our children growing up day by day, parents begin to realize that freedom also needs limits. It is better for children to have rules to follow and learn to bear clear behavioral responsibility. Children without discipline will become too concerned about themselves, selfish, and unhappy. They will also make people around miserable.
Some scholars have also found that parents are full of care and authority, support and limit their children. Their children often learn well, socialize well, and feel good about themselves. Generally speaking, they are happier than those who are either too loose or too strict.
Why do parents prefer to relax their children?

Parents are very sensitive to their children's emotions. They worry that teaching them a lesson or saying "no" too often will cause them psychological trauma. In addition, today's parents often cherish the relationship with their children, hoping to be loved and respected by their children.
It seems hard for many people to accept the fact that once they become parents, sometimes they will be unpopular. In addition, the final reason may be simple: the reason why we pamper our children is simply because of the lack of time. After all, most mothers are working women, and stay at home moms are busier than ever. Who is willing to spend such limited time on banning and punishing their children?
However, the survey found that the longer a child does not behave, the more parents will let it go, which is harmful to either party.
For example, a mother asked her 6-year-old son to clean up his own room. But if children don't obey, they just don't do it. The situation of such confrontation was certainly unpleasant, and the mother had to stop mentioning it for peace. But her behavior is actually to tell the child that he can do whatever he wants as long as he keeps messing around. In this way, children learn how to make adults helpless.

From the age of 4, please be more strict with children!
According to the law of children's development, they did not understand the connection between the rules and the consequences of behavior before the age of 4. From the age of four, we can strengthen our discipline.
·Rule making: for 4-year-olds and older, we can make a rule list for their most annoying behaviors, such as fighting with children, speaking rudely and rudely. Parenting experts recommend no more than five rules for children aged 4 to 8.
·Determine the consequences of the violation: parents should be clear about the consequences if they violate the rules, such as not enjoying some "benefits" for a short period of time. (choose your child's favorite activities as "benefits", such as going out to play, inviting friends to come home, or watching videos before going to bed. ）Once the child violates the rules, implement the consequences immediately. At this time, there is no need to warn, bargain or have a second chance. If the kids think it's negotiable, they won't take your rules seriously.
·Be prepared to repeat the rules over and over again: education experts who study preschool children say, "at a child's age, parents may have to do something 180 times to be obedient."
·The rules should be fair and reasonable: we should understand the corresponding characteristics of all ages to maintain reasonable expectations. If your 4-year-old son can't sit at the dinner table all the time, you need to know that 6-year-old children are usually more "able to sit" than 4-year-old children, and when they are 8-year-old, their performance will be much better.
·In the face of children's illegal behavior, the parents' response should be consistent, calm and quick: some parents often send out orders without any time, bareheaded and shouting how to do, for example, "no that!" Or "don't do it, I'll do it!" But it has never been put into real action. Remember the old saying - action is more powerful than words.
Rules making skills

Whether you want to fine tune or renovate your discipline skills, here are a few ideas that can help you more resolutely implement your actions.
1. Refuse with ease and don't compromise easily
If your child begged, whined, pestered, and whetted, you could not help being soft. "Just this time," your child would conclude, "there is still a chance" when your mother said "no".
But remember, in the long run, compromise is bad. Once you say "no", you must insist.
If a child asks you to buy something you don't want to give him, such as a violent computer game, or a candy bar before dinner, you have to say "no" and explain why you rejected him. Once you have given an explanation, don't bargain, negotiate, or even give up what you just said.
All you have to do is set rules. The message you want to convey to your child is: you are a parent, and there are things you has the final say.
2. Choose wording
The words "fair" and "credit" work well for children, and we can make good use of them. For example, when your 6-year-old son refuses to clean the table, you can say, "everyone has done their best to clean the room. It's unfair that you don't do your job." Or warn your 5-year-old daughter in advance, "when are you going to put away your toys?" If she says she'll do it after dinner, but she doesn't do it, you can point out straightforwardly: "you didn't keep your word! Now that we have said what we need to do, we need to do what we say. "
Another clever idea is to express surprise. When a child makes a fool of himself, his parents often say, "here we are again" or "you can't change all the time!" But a better way is to show incomprehension and surprise, even though it may require Oscar star level acting. You can say, "you've been much better recently. I didn't expect you would hit children!"! I know you like Xiaoming. You certainly don't want to do it in your heart. "
3. Enough
Being disciplined does not mean being harsh or even abusive. Parents, whether making rules or punishing, should be calm, loving, and careful not to intimidate or intimidate their children.
Don't punish too much. Don't think "how can I teach this kid a lesson?" Think about how you can help your child meet your expectations.
In the end, effective discipline is better for children themselves. If he ignores simple rules such as "don't hit his sister" or "tell the truth", how can he learn to respect friends and be frank when dealing with people in the future? Remember, the goal of discipline is not power and control, but just to teach children how to achieve in life.