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Good education is to adapt your education to your child, not to adapt your child to your education.
Parent B: "The son is 13 years old. He was a very obedient child a year ago. After the Spring Festival, he would not be able to do it. His academic performance plummeted. He sneaked on the Internet, played with bad children, and did n’t do his homework. I now supervise everywhere He, but the more he listened, the more he retorted. He always retorted against me and confronted me. Ask him not, and scold him for beating him. I didn't do it! "
The confusion of the above two parents, what they do not understand the most is, why do children start to become disobedient? Why did the little sheep become the little hedgehog now?
This is because the child grows up and changes in physical development and psychology during adolescence bring about changes in the child's behavior. When the child was young, he didn't understand and didn't have a strong ability to resolve.
By puberty, the child “wakes up”. His self-awareness has increased, and with his own thoughts and opinions, he feels that he has grown up and is an adult. He hopes that parents will treat him as an adult, respect, equality, and desire for independence and freedom.
Because parents lack reflective power, they believe that the problem lies with their children. It is precisely because of the inertia of educational thinking that parents use constant education concepts and methods to deal with changing children. As a result, more and more families have triggered parent-child relationships. Contradictions and conflicts, more and more children are rebellious.
01
Change preaching
I'm always afraid that the child is too small and unreasonable, so I repeatedly instilled the truth into the child. If the child showed absent-mindedness, preaching would become a lesson. The preaching attitude is condescending. The premise of preaching is to treat your own words as truth, and children must listen. But in fact, many children are disgusted by their parents' preaching. What is more powerful than preaching is personal education.
02
Change order to negotiation
Most of the parental education that parents received when they were young, so because of the inheritance of education, they are also used to using the command sentence for children: "You should sleep, hear nothing!" "Go to clean your room!" "Turn off TV, do homework! "Parents are in a strong position, and their children are in a weak position. But during puberty, the child no longer fears your deterrence, and begins to yin or yin against such a mandatory order, or openly resist.
03
Turn negative into positive
It would be different if you talked to the child in a gentle tone. This is easier for children to accept than orders without negotiation and choice.
Parents always inadvertently use negative sentences to deny their children, such as "You are so stupid that you can't even do such a simple question." "I went to fight again, and the teacher came to the house!" "Lying again, Why do you always lie to me? "The above are all denying children: children are not smart, children are not good, children are not honest.
Such negative labels will make children feel bad, and adult negation will become their own negation.
Only one of the child's five exams is a good test, so let go of those four times. The only one that is a good test is sure to strengthen his confidence and let him see hope. And the children will develop a good side in the constant affirmation, praise and appreciation of their parents.
04
Change to love
I am afraid that there is no family who does not slap children, some unknowingly stubbornly, some unknowingly stubbornly stubborn and cannot control it. This kind of habitual scum is a disaster for children.
In fact, the effectiveness of language is limited, and body language is just as important as the act of love. For example, when you want to give the child a task, pat the child on the shoulder, nod, and show trust; the child has a good behavior, give him a trusting smile, and cast a proud look; when the child has just arrived, give him a warm Hug; give the child a light kiss on his forehead before going to bed, indicating a day of farewell: "Child, good night!".
05
Change control to let go
Parents believe that their children are still young, so they need to be strictly controlled. For example, to supervise children's studies and accompany children to do homework, strict requirements are everywhere. Afraid that the child cannot do his or her own thing, so take care of the child's life and do things for the child.
However, at puberty, parents should learn to let go when they let go, teach their children to take responsibility, trust when they should be trusted, and give children the opportunity to exercise so that children can grow up in the experience.
06
Change the leading role to a supporting role
When the child is young, the parent should stand in front of the child and lead the child. When the child grows up, parents should stand behind the child, follow the child, watch the child go, and only need to hold one when it is critical.
This giving way is very important. It gives respect, democracy, equality, and trust. It gives the child room to grow, gives the child autonomy and choice, and also gives the child responsibility.
